Hell’s Kitchen started up last week. It’s led by a guy named Chef Ramsey, who is basically Simon Cowell with Tourette’s (for you idiots, it means he’s got a British accent and cusses a lot). Anyways, to kick it off, the 12 aspiring head chefs competing for the prize of being head chef at some place in LA had to make a signature dish. I don’t remember all of them.. some goofy looking guy, who quite honestly looked retarded, made a “chicken cacciatore”, which looked like Chef Boyardee made it. Then, another guy who didn’t look quite as retarded made this weird dish.. it was two things that were placed in a ring mold.. one had raw venison and raw quail egg .. with diced diver sea scallops and shaved white chocolate in the other. Ramsey asked if he smoked.. retard asked “cigarettes?”.. Ramsey said “no”.. all 11 other chefs chuckled. Ramsey takes a bite.. notices there are also capers.. then proceeds to vomit pretty profusely.

Dinner service. Both teams fuck up bad. Starts with the men who got some shuteye the night before instead of studying the menu (which the girls got).. so when Ramsey asks each of them what the entrees are.. the guys are clueless.. and the girls like smartass brats raise their hands as if this was the 2nd grade and Lucy is trying to one-up Bobby. In the end, both teams suck.. girls do a little better getting some appetizers out.. and starting on their first entree.. guys don’t get anything out.. everyone in the restaurant leaves after three hours.. pissed and hungry.

Louross, who I’m 95% sure is gay, is elected as the best of the losing team and he puts up this black man who didn’t do shit even though he was elected captain and retard #1 who cooks chef boyardee. chef boyardee is kicked out.. and black man is sent back with a renewed sense of self and purpose.

As always, there are the traditional personalities in Hell’s Kitchen:
- Gay man (Louross)
- Pretty, idiotic chef (Sharon)
- Pretty, somewhat intelligent chef (Christina)
- The “I have such a thick new york accent i drive everyone fucking crazy” chef – Rosann
- The black chick who worked at Waffle House (wasn’t really Waffle House this season) – Jen
- Lazy, fatass – Jason
- The I need a trademark thing in the kitchen.. in this case it was an insanely tall hat – Craig

An all new The Office this Thursday @ 9:00 PM.